How to Create Meaningful Relationships IRL

Okay, we know you feel connected to hundreds of people in your social media network all the time (often a bit too connected), but according to Walfish, there are a couple of ingredients that happen only when you’re face-to-face. “Number one—precise and sustained eye contact facilitates engagement between two human beings. If you think about the mother-infant dyad when the mother breastfeeds and the baby looks into the mother’s adoring eyes, there’s an immediate click of attachment, engagement, and bonding,” Walfish says.

Let’s get real here—have you ever taken an honest look at how much time you spend on social media—or your phone in general—every day? Did the truth freak you out? If so, your priorities and your actions might be out of alignment.

When asked how to handle that nagging “everyone’s hanging out without me feeling” we sometimes get while creeping through our social feeds, Walfish was frank. “People who get caught in the feeling of compare-contrast, jealousy, rivalry, that type of thing, I think they are spending too much time on social media and not enough time directing their energies into real-life, face-to-face meetings with people. And I think the use of social media can become a crutch. If you spend the majority of your time online, then it can trigger those feelings.”

PUSH PAST RESISTANCE 

So, how does one put down the cell and pick up a social life? Basically, suck it up and make plans. “You will have initial resistance, and all kinds of excuses will pass through the front of your mind like ‘I’m too tired, I’m busy at work, I’m thinking I’ll cancel and postpone.’ No! Ladies and gentlemen, show up. Once you put it in your calendar, then you have to just show up and do it. And the reason is, when you do show up, you should expect to feel immediate gratification and pleasure from the experience. If you don’t, you’re with the wrong person,” Walfish says.

BE PRESENT IN-PERSON 

Finally, it’s important to remain as present as possible when face-to-face. “You have to decide that it’s important to you ahead of time. And if it has value and meaning, then make it a priority. It’s kind of a simple thing, you just decide for this sixty or ninety minutes, you’re gonna be there for the other person,” Walfish says. Unfortunately, for the phone-addicted, this means you should also “make a solemn promise to yourself that you’re not going to pick up and look at your cell phone.”